Couple Therapy
“Love is not the least bit logical or random, but an ordered and wise recipe for survival. The need for connection is our first and most basic instinct.”
~ Dr. Sue Johnson
Love Sense
Couple Therapy
“Love is not the least bit logical or random, but an ordered and wise recipe for survival. The need for connection is our first and most basic instinct.”
~ Dr. Sue Johnson
Love Sense
Improve Your Communication, Strengthen Your Connection, and Create a Foundation That Can Weather the Waves of Life
- Are you in a relationship where you often feel anxious, insecure, or resentful? Do you get the message from your partner that your feelings are too much or aren’t valid?
- Do you feel like nothing you do will ever be enough? Like you’re not good enough?
- Do you feel unheard and unappreciated, or that your partner doesn’t respect you?
- Do you avoid bringing up important topics because you fear they’ll cause an argument?
- Has there been an affair or breach of trust in your relationship?
- Do you and your partner struggle with communication, and find that you get stuck in repetitive cycles that have a “here we go again” quality and leave you feeling frustrated or hurt? Maybe one person wants to have their feelings heard, whereas the other turns to problem-solving and searching for solutions.
- Do you struggle with important differences that are a regular source of tension? Maybe it’s differences in your parenting styles or physical intimacy needs. Perhaps it’s how you approach disagreements or areas of tension, with one person wanting to talk things through right away, while the other needs some space first.
- Are you tired of fighting the same fight over and over again or feeling like there’s an ever-expanding ocean creating distance between you?
If any of these apply to your relationship, it may benefit from some support. In many cases, our relationships would benefit from couple therapy long before we think we “need” it.
Our Practice Areas
We specialize in helping couples create and recreate connection when it’s been lost. Whether your relationship is in the early stages or you have been together for 30+ years, we support couples struggling with:

- Communication differences and communication breakdown
- Negative patterns of interaction
- Trauma
- Healing relationship injuries, including affair recovery
- Anxiety and insecurities
- Depression
- Anger and resentment
- Emotional and physical connection
Potential Benefits of Couple Therapy
Whether you feel like you’re on separate islands with an ocean between you or on the same island weathering a storm, couple therapy can create calmer waters so that you can come together feeling more connected, safe, and secure.
At Oceanside Psychology Group, our Burnaby psychologists and therapists offer Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT) for couples and have advanced training, experience and certifications in this approach. EFT is one of the most effective forms of couple therapy available today. It addresses and improves:
- Communication skills
- Conflict resolution skills
- Listening skills, including your ability to hear the more tender emotions behind your partner’s words or actions
- Healing from relationship wounds
- Emotional, physical, and sexual intimacy
- Safety and security in the couple bond
EFT for Couples
Click here to learn more about EFT for your relationship and what it can do for you. Or, if you’re ready:
What if My Partner Doesn’t Want to Come to Therapy?
There are many reasons a partner may not want to participate in couple therapy. For example, they might fear that the therapist will take your side – that they’ll be painted as the “bad guy.” They might fear they won’t be heard or that talking about the relationship will only make things worse, perhaps never experiencing how talking can actually help. They might also be uncomfortable talking about their feelings and more intimate aspects of their lives.
While we can’t make our partners come to therapy, here are some ideas that might help you have this conversation:
- Try to understand your partner’s reservations. Ask them if they’d be willing to share their concerns, giving them the space to share their concerns if they do.
- Try to remember that their concerns are very often coming from a place of fear, even if that’s not said. Empathize with and validate their worry or fear, and maybe even acknowledge your fear, too.
- You might also want to talk about counselling in a positive, collaborative way, approaching it as a mutual problem to be solved. It takes two people to fall into patterns of disconnection, tension, or distress, and two people to get out. You probably both want your relationship to feel and be better. Acknowledging your own role in your relationship struggles – the dance that happens between you and your partner – and your desire to be a better partner for your partner can be of enormous help.
We also like to let our couples know that:
- Couple therapists aren’t on either of your sides – we’re on the side of your relationship and are working with you in support of helping you create a better one. Your relationship is our client, not either person individually. Our job is often to hold two truths or realities – the way each of you sees, experiences, or interprets each other’s behaviour. We understand that there are valid reasons for each of your experiences and we want to honour them both.
- If you believe that simply talking about stuck points in a relationship isn’t helpful, you’re right. Talking the same talk over and over again doesn’t help. As couple therapists, we help you learn how to talk the same talk differently and hear each other differently so that you can create a new experience of each other. It’s through this new experience that change happens, not by talking alone. Many couples struggle to achieve this on their own and end up staying in a painful place longer than they need to.
- Many of us have learned not to talk about our feelings, especially the more vulnerable ones. As couple therapists, we respect and honour the “walls” that people have built to protect themselves from feeling difficult feelings. In fact, we want you to keep them. We all have walls and we all need them at times. What we want to do is help people create a door with some windows in their wall, so that they can more flexibly go in and out, letting your partner in at times, as it starts to feel safer, with the goal of helping you have more of your needs met too.
Sometimes a partner simply won’t be ready to attend sessions. This doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed. There are 3 parts to any relationship: you, your partner, and what happens between the two of you. You might start with individual counselling and focus on your experience in the relationship or what happens within you in response to your partner. Exploring and making sense of our own experience often not only leads to personal growth, but growth in our partner relationships, as well.
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Get Started With Oceanside Psychology Group
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Call: 604-239-4640